Waiter: Here’s your bill, madam.
Customer 1: Ah, thanks … shall we split it?
Customer 2: Um … I mean, really? I had quite a bit more than you. How much is the bill?
Customer 1: Um … It’s £65.15.
Customer 2: OK, well … I don’t think it’s a good idea, you … Look, you had the soup – that was, what? £6.50; and then the cheese salad, £8.25; and you only had one orange juice and I had the wines – I had the two glasses of wine.
Customer 1: True, but I did have a dessert and you didn’t.
Customer 2: Yeah but you couldn’t even … you couldn’t even finish the cheesecake and you gave half of it to me anyway! No, come on, let’s work it out. Yours was the soup, which was £6.50, plus cheese salad, £8.25, plus half the cheesecake.
Customer 1: Look, I’ll pay for the cheesecake.
Customer 2: Alright, alright, alright … OK, so that’s £6.75; um, the orange juice, £3.95 … that’s, um … what’s that? £25.45. So that leaves 40 quid which is all of my stuff.
Customer 1: Right.
Customer 2: Chicken salad for starter – see? Er, my chicken salad was more expensive than your cheese salad for the main course!
Customer 1: Yeah, OK.
Customer 2: So, er … so, mine’s £9.95 for the starter, £17.95 for the steak, two times £5.90 for the glasses of wine is £11.80 … er, that’s just under £40, so … so I’ll pay £40, OK?
Customer 1: OK, but is service included?
Customer 2: What’s that, sorry?
Customer 1: What about a tip?
Customer 2: Oh, oh yeah, er …
Customer 1: Look, tell you what, why don’t we round it up to £70? You pay that £40 and I’ll put down £30. Oh, look, here’s the waiter now – here you go, keep the change.
Waiter: Very kind madam, thank you.